Dear Hipster,

Hey man, how’s it hangin’? I saw you on the street yesterday and after the little “show” you put on, I just wanted to touch base with you about some things you might consider working on.

First, your enormous noise-reduction, studio quality headphones are more than gratuitous. Here’s the issue with noise-reduction headphones: they reduce noise for you, not the other passengers. The secret to noise reduction technology is that it reduces ambient noise by making the music louder, therefore louder for people sitting near you, which, ironically enough, has an uncanny resemblance to fucking noise.

There is literally only one place where you need studio quality headphones: in a studio. Let me make this point clear: you are listening to unreleased Radiohead songs, not mixing them.  You look like you should be hunched over in the back of a van with a reel-to-reel recorder, monitoring phone conversations for the NSA. Unless you’re making beats for Jay-Z or loading a 727 with baggage on the tarmac at O’Hare, headphones of that size and authority are unnecessary, at least in public.

Yours Truely,
Annoyed